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Layman's guide to moving a lighthouse.

1. Select staff with nerves of steel and no fear of heights - or lightening.

2. Train them in public relations, so they can deal with press, TV, radio, and the hundreds of spectators who will hang around asking questions all day.

3. Supply them with very warm clothing and safety harnesses.

4. Devise foolproof way of moving lighthouse northwards without pushing cliff face southwards.

5. Dig down 4m only 3m from edge of 90m cliff and install concrete support structure and slide beams under lighthouse.

6. Jack 850t lighthouse 650mm into the air without cracking it or tipping it over cliff.

7. Carry out trial slide by applying 85t northwards push while standing as far away as possible.

8. Pray for fine weather: pray extra hard for lack of southerly gales.

9. Maximise potential for embarrassment by carrying out final slide live on Tomorrow's World programme.

10. Scan newspapers, watch TV, listen to radio in vain hope of hearing your company's name mentioned.

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