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Could you be banned from infrastructure?

Rail

Large swathes of society could be banned from using certain infrastructure, New Civil Engineer has learnt.

Secret documents show the reduction in future demand that could be achieved by preventing those in their 40s from driving, and by outlawing the use of electricity south of Birmingham during the summer months.

Other ideas outlined in the Demand Reduction Feasibility Study include banning single people from bridges – unless they can prove they are using the crossing to attend a date.

It is understood that experts were asked by unnamed politicians to prepare the case studies as alternatives to investing in mega projects such as High Speed 2 and Hinkley Point C.

Report author Alf Priolo said: “Yes this government has styled itself on Bob the Builder but we all know it’s more like your mad uncle who keeps saying he’ll buy you impossibly cool toys but then asks your mum for a fiver ‘for the horses’.

“What are they talking about now? HS5? Crossrail 7? We’ve got to be realistic – and what better way to deal with the complex problems of population growth, urbanisation and climate change than banning teenagers from the Northern Line on Fridays?”

At midday on 1 April, Priolo revealed his true identity as Mr April Fool.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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